Luck

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard."

A somewhat wise bear named Winnie-the-Pooh made this statement.  I found it today as I was perusing Pinterest, and it hit home for me.  I rarely consider myself lucky.  I've never won the lottery, I usually don't win big in drawings or raffles, I don't find much other than pennies in my laundry.  As a glass-half-empty type of person, I have a hard time sometimes seeing the positive in situations.  Especially in the situation in which I currently find myself.  I lost a baby...my child.  I lost the baby that I worked so hard to get here safely.  I lost the baby that I was almost afraid to let myself love.  I watched my husband's heart break for a second time, just as I felt my own heart breaking.  Where is the luck in that?

Yet...I am lucky.  I am, and always will be, Henry's mama.  I got to hold him, snuggle him, comfort him.  I got to watch him smile and giggle and laugh when his daddy was being silly.  I got to get up with him each morning as his smiling face greeted me.  I saw him grow from a helpless newborn to an infant who was almost sitting up on his own.  I got to watch him learn how to play...at first just with his soft Mickey blanket, then with rattles, and even with his musical turtle.  Even as he got sick, I got to snuggle him and comfort him.  And when he passed away, I got to hold him and rock him.

As horrible as I find myself feeling...as awful as the pain is...as hard as saying good-bye was...I am still Henry's mama and because of that I AM lucky.