Breakdowns

I haven't cried a lot since Henry died.  I cried in the hospital when we found out he wasn't going to make it.  I cried as I was holding him when he passed away.  I cried later that afternoon when we were at home and everyone else had left.  I teared up at the funeral, but wouldn't let myself cry.  I tear up when I see pictures, get cards, read Facebook posts...but I still don't really let go.

Today...I let go.  And what triggered it?  The fact that I couldn't get the freshly washed sheets neatly back on the bed.  Was I really upset because the sheets weren't cooperating?  Of course not.  Was I actually angry at my husband (whom I was yelling at)?  Not at all.  Instead, so many pent up emotions were coming out, triggered by something so silly.  That's the hard part.  I can think about Henry, look at pictures, even talk about him without crying, without being extra sad.  But then something like making the bed brings on a breakdown.  You never know when the emotional storm will hit, nor how long it will last.  It's not something you can prepare for...just a storm you have to hunker down and ride out.