Childhood Cancer

Yesterday Tim and I had the honor of attending Sammy's Superheroes Glow Gold event in Columbus.  This is the second year we have attended, and it is hands down one of our favorite events.  Glow Gold aims to raise awareness and funds for childhood cancer and research, but the main goal (in my mind anyway) is to honor the fighters, angels, and families.  We walked in, were greeted, and personally given a goodie bag and information for the event.  During the presentation honoring the families, we weren't divided into fighter families and angel families, but instead were all included in one group of families who have been touched by the monster that is childhood cancer.  We didn't walk around as pariahs, as a family that has lost.  Because, let's be honest, any family who has a child with cancer has lost something.

As we sat eating dinner before the gates opened to the public, I gazed around at the sea of blue shirts.  It amazed me, that in this tiny corner of the world, there are this many families affected by childhood cancer.  Dr. Coulter, the guest speaker and a local leading researcher, said that Nebraska has the third highest rate of childhood cancer in the nation, yet as population goes we are one of the smaller states.  And as I looked down the football field at all the families, I was reminded once again why this cause is so important to us.  I would love to live to see a day when no parent has to hear the words "your child has cancer."  Because even this tiny slice of families affected is too much!

Thank you to Sammy's Superheroes for honoring our family and so many others...for acknowledging the fighters, the angels, and the supporters.  Thank you for sharing our stories.  Thank you to those who take the time to read this, who support our cause, and help us honor our angel.  As Margaret Mead said, "Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world.  For, indeed, that's all who ever have."  As we go into September and childhood cancer awareness month, we will keep working for awareness, for funds for research, and for change...for Henry, his fellow angels, and all the kids still fighting.

Funk

These last few days I've been in a bit of a funk.  That's a technical term...you know, when you just feel cranky and short-tempered for no apparent reason.  And no matter how nice those closest to you are, you still find something wrong with whatever they're doing.  (In this case, poor Tim managed to send me nearly into a rage because he peeled the skin off a pepper "wrong"...I wish I were kidding!)

I'm not sure the exact cause for this latest funk, but I'm guessing it has something to do with summer being over and having to be an adult on a daily basis instead of just intermittently.  Going back to work after a long break is always hard...I'm used to doing what I want to do when I do it, and now my schedule is dictated.  I can't get up, enjoy my coffee, get my workout in just before lunch.  I can't spend the morning reading in my (newly improved) sunroom.  Instead I have to get up to an alarm (gasp!), get myself ready (which involves almost daily fighting with myself over what to wear), have a lunch packed, make my coffee to go, and get to work.  Then at work I have to people...all...day...long.  Don't get me wrong, I work with amazing people.  But when I get tired or overwhelmed, I can no longer retreat to my bed or my sunroom...I have to keep plugging along.  And when I get home, there's just about enough time to do my workout, shower, make dinner, clean up dinner, and get to bed. 

This transition has always been a little tricky...I am one that craves down time and alone time.  And with the start of school, both of those are in short supply.  To make it even a little trickier, the first few weekends of this school year happen to be pretty busy, so I'm not getting to recharge my batteries.  I will get used to the routine, I will get this new position at work figured out (maybe not until the end of the year, but I'll get it!), and life will settle down a bit.  And in the meantime, I'm trying to keep taking care of myself...getting my workouts in, eating the healthy-ish meals at home like planned, getting plenty of sleep (even if I wake up feeling like I didn't get any at all!), and hacking away at my to-do list - at home and at school.

And then, when I get extra super duper cranky, like I was this morning (again, for no apparent reason), pictures like this pop up to make me smile and gives me a brief respite from my moods.  I hope maybe it will make you smile today too!

Teachers

I have spent the last few days back at work, spending my days with fellow teachers, all of us frantically preparing for the new little faces that will greet us next week. We want our rooms to look perfect and to be inviting. We want our lessons to be fun and engaging. We want our technology to be working (I've seen the emails guys-I promise I'm working on it!) And most of all, we want to make a difference...to maybe be "that" teacher that a student always remembers for being fun, creative, and, most of all, caring. 

As I sit here and fret over my to-do list (which I'm not even kidding, is five typed pages long), I think about my role as a teacher. Yes, it is my job to impart knowledge, perhaps even a little wisdom. But another big part of being a teacher is actually being a learner. We are always learning new things...curriculum, new behavior strategies or engagement strategies, new technology...sometimes voluntarily and other times not as much. But beyond that, I learn from the kids. I learn new ways to teach something so that everyone understands. I learn how to teach kids skills for life. And I am reminded every day of the wonder and joy in learning.

As a mom, I am also a learner. Sure, I learned how to make bottles...how to get that perfect bath water temperature...how to get baby vomit out of a car seat and poop out of a white onesie (although let's be real, that was often accomplished by utilizing the trash can.) But I also learned about selflessness, patience, and unconditional love. I have never been less selfish as when I was caring for Henry. Now, when my dog starts whining at 5:15 in the morning, I get cranky. When Henry started rustling around that same time, I felt blessed to have that quiet morning playtime with him. I had more patience than ever before...I had no problem rocking him for an hour. In fact, I often kept rocking even after he fell asleep.

As we go into this new school year, I am looking forward to learning...from my colleagues, from others in my field, from books and articles and videos. But most of all, I look forward to learning from the kiddos. Bring it on 2016-17!!

Technology

Technology...it's one of those things that's great when it works.  Now, I have to admit, I am a bit of a geek when it comes to technology.  I always want the newest gadget (even if the slightly older gadget I have is still in perfectly good working condition.)  I definitely take after my dad in this sense, as my mom wanted nothing to do with technology.  She refused a cell phone almost to her dying day!  But technology can also take us away from the world around us.  I know I myself have been guilty of that...perhaps sitting at the dinner table, with my husband, perusing Facebook instead of having a conversation.  (In my defense, Tim is just as guilty of this!)  I see it at restaurants all the time - families each with their face buried in a device and silence at the table.  I have made it a point to put my phone away at the dinner table, at least, and to actually have a conversation with my husband.  But I am still pretty darn attached to the stupid thing.  (Just kidding, phone, you know how important you are to me.  I didn't mean to call you stupid...)

Despite all of this (and the frustration that comes when technology DOESN'T work as it's supposed to) technology can be a pretty wonderful thing.  I can talk face to face with my sister halfway across the country, or my dad the next state over.  I can see what my cousins on the other side of the country are up to, and keep up with their growing kids.  It's not the same as actually spending time together, but when time and money prevent us from being together often enough, it's at least somewhat of a substitute.  AND, in the palm of my hand, I have a powerful camera and video recorder.  It's not like when I was a kid, and our camcorder was about as big as the laptop from which I'm typing, and you had to carry the VCR in a bag connected to said camcorder in order to actually record video.  I don't have to wait until I finish the entire 24 or 36 shots in a roll of film plus developing time to see my pictures.

And, in our unique situation, we have all kinds of photo and video memories of our sweet angel.  We didn't spend seven months expecting that was all we would have.  But we recorded much of it...not to the point that we weren't present in the moment, but enough that we have some amazing memories to look back on.  We intentionally got new phones while pregnant with Henry with more memory, knowing we would be capturing lots of moments.  And though at the time I sometimes wondered if we were overdoing it, I am now beyond grateful that we did capture those moments.  (Of course, for any future children, I apologize in advance that we basically attached a camera to you 24-7...)

Don't use technology as an escape from the world, keep having face-to-face conversations and interactions, get outside and explore, BUT do take advantage of that powerful technology in your hand to record some of those moments.  You never know when the day will come that those records will be all you have left.  After all, as my dad is fond of saying, film is free!

Death...and Love

Leave it to J.K. Rowling and her Dumbledore character to cut straight to my heart.  I just finished reading Harry Potter and the Cursed Child.  I was a little skeptical of reading a play about Harry Potter, but it turns out I didn't mind at all.  And it brought those years of anxiously awaiting the newest book in the series, the characters, and the story all back to life.

A lot happens in this story, which I won't reveal for those of you who are planning to read it.  (And if you aren't, you should.  And if you haven't ever read Harry Potter, you really should!!)  But the line that stood out to me was this, DUMBLEDORE: "Those that we love never truly leave us, Harry. There are things that death cannot touch.  Paint...and memory...and love."  Thanks Dumbledore, for putting my thoughts into perfect words.

Death seems to take so much from us...it can take the person we love most in the world...it can leave us full of regret, loss, sadness, despair.  It can turn our world into a dark and gloomy place.  But death can never take away love.  Sometimes, in fact, death intensifies love.  We don't stop loving someone because they died.  We continue loving them, and we hold them in our heart.  And over time, our memories bring comfort rather than pain.  It will never be quite enough...it will never be the same...but the love never fades.