Christmas

Today I feel like I'm in A Christmas Carol...being visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, Christmas present, and Christmas yet to come.

The ghost of Christmas past shows me being awakened long before the crack of dawn by my sister, and having to wait until 6:00 to wake up Mom and Dad. It shows us letting the dogs out, putting the coffee on, turning on the Christmas lights and Christmas music, and even fixing Mom's coffee so she would have fewer excuses that would put off the opening of presents.  We would gather by the tree and take turns opening presents, excited to see what we got, but also excited to give gifts to each other.

The ghost of Christmas present shows a much more somber scene.  It shows Tim and I waking up, letting the dogs out, and puttering around the house.  It shows us watching movies and eating junk food (more because we're bored than hungry).  We do these things to try to forget the fact that it's Christmas...pretending instead that it's just another day.  The ghost of Christmas present shows us not watching Henry "open" gifts by the tree, but instead shows us visiting his and Brady's graves.  

The ghost of Christmas yet to come shows glimpses of happier holidays.  Hopefully one day we will be awakened far too early by little ones who are excited to see what Santa brought.  We will be creating our own family traditions that our children will one day look back on and remember fondly.  Christmas yet to come will also include visits to Brady and Henry, so that our kids never forget that they have two big brothers watching over us.  It seems so distant...but I have faith that we will get there.

So today, I'm not celebrating Christmas.  I'm celebrating the fact that we've survived another day without Henry.  I'm celebrating the fact that I have a husband who loves me unconditionally...a husband that shares his feelings with me just as he allows me to share mine with him.  I'm celebrating that we have family and friends that are there for us no matter what...no matter when.  To everyone who is celebrating this holiday season, we wish you happy times with family and friends!  And to anyone else who is struggling, we wish you happier times in the year to come.