9. Enjoy the little things.
8. Every child I interact with is someone's "Henry."
7. To be a mother is to watch your heart walk around outside your body.
I can't claim credit for this one - it's a quote I've seen around the Internet. But it definitely is true. Before I was a mom, I was most worried about myself. I tried to make sure I was taken care of, happy, fed... And beyond that I wanted my family to be happy, Tim to be happy, friends to be happy. Once I found out I was pregnant with Brady, that changed. Although with that first pregnancy I was more focused on myself, I was still worried about the growing baby. I was cranky that my clothes weren't fitting, or that I couldn't have a beer on St. Patrick's Day, yet every day I worried and wondered about what was going on with Brady. As we got to each doctor's appointment, I worried that we would find out something was wrong, and I worried that it would be my fault. And once we lost Brady, I experienced true heartbreak.
When we became pregnant with Henry, my attitude was completely different. I was so excited to be pregnant, and scared to death that something might happen! In that pregnancy, I got cranky when my clothes continued to fit...I wanted that big belly that meant the baby was growing and healthy. Throughout that whole pregnancy, I was focused on Henry and how he was growing. Since we were considered a more high-risk pregnancy, we had frequent ultrasounds, which eased my mind considerably. I didn't miss coffee, soda, or beer. I was just so happy that Henry continued to grow.
And then Henry was born...all of a sudden, I was no longer important. It didn't matter that I had to time trips to the store based on sleep schedules and feedings and diapers. It didn't matter that I was always tired, and that Henry seemed to think daytime was the best time to sleep, while nighttime was party time. It didn't matter that I had to sneak in a shower while Henry napped in his bouncy seat in the bathroom. Nothing mattered anymore except this sweet little boy that we had been blessed with. Keeping him content was my focus in life, and my exhaustion and greasy pony-tailed hair no longer bothered me.
It was when Henry got sick that this became even more apparent. Even when he "just" had a cold, my heart hurt. I hated seeing my sweet baby stuffy, sniffling, and cranky. I wanted nothing more than to make him all better. So I snuggled him, fed him smaller amounts more often, gave him baths...anything I could do to make him feel a little better. As he got sicker, my heart hurt more. Watching him lay in his hospital bed, living on machines, broke my heart. I wanted nothing more than to switch places with him...to take his pain away. When he died, my heart shattered. Yet I was also grateful...grateful that Henry was no longer suffering. In a way, I was finally able to take away his pain. I continue to feel blessed that I was chosen to be Henry's mama...that he got to steal my heart. Although I would give absolutely anything to have him back here in my arms, I comfort myself with memories, mementos, and the knowledge that one day I will hold my baby, both of my babies, again.
6. There truly are angels on earth.
5. Everyone is fighting some sort of battle we know nothing about.
4. Time is a gift.
3. Death is not the end of a relationship.
2. You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
1. Motherhood is the best job I could ever hope for.
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