How do you do it?

I went to the doctor today. This was a new doctor (since Blue Cross Blue Shield and CHI divorced, I had to find a new doctor) so I was kind of dreading it. I was dreading having to go through the whole history...all the things we've been through. It would have been easier to stick with the doctors who knew what we'd been through, since they went through it with us. But it turned out well...I loved the new doctor! At one point during my appointment (and my story) she asked, "How do you do it?!" And that got me to thinking...

The honest answer is, "I don't know." And this is how I answered. But as I drove away and thought about it, I realized there are some things that I do know. I know that my husband is my rock. He lets me be me...puts no expectations on me whatsoever. He lets me be sad, mad, happy...whatever I feel, and there is no judgment. He hugs me, cries with me, lets me vent, and leaves me flowers "just because." He lets me talk about Henry, and enjoys sharing stories. Tim is a huge way that "I do it."

In addition to Tim, I have my family. My dad and my sister give me my space, but they still let me know that they're thinking of me, and that they care. I know I could call either of them at any time of day or night, and they'd be there. And my extended "family"...my friends who have been beyond understanding...they are another reason I make it through. My friends don't get mad when I don't want to hang out...they understand that each day is different. Yet they keep inviting me, knowing that one of these days I'll accept!

And there are even more people there to support me at work. I have coworkers that I can talk to...that let me talk about Henry, but also understand when I want to talk about other things. I can sit in a classroom, chatting, and that teacher isn't upset that I've used up her plan time. At lunch, we tell crazy stories, laugh, and take a break from the crazy world of teaching. The students and parents are supportive too. I've had many students tell me they're sorry for my loss or that they're praying for me. And their parents do the same. I am blessed to work in such a positive and supportive environment.

Most of all, I believe Henry is "how I do it." He showed me what true strength is. He is with me every second of every day. When I'm having a tough minute or a rough day, I can picture his smile or hear his giggle, and I know I can keep pushing on. This is one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it's nothing compared to what Henry did. And if Henry could do what he did, then I can most definitely "do it."