Heartbreak

I experienced heartbreak when Henry got sick and when Henry died. Today, my heart broke a little more. We were heading out to run errands, and a song by Rodney Atkins came on...the one where the little boy watches his dad...wants to be like his dad. We listened to a verse or so, and then I changed the station. As I did so, I saw tears streaming down Tim's cheeks. It broke my heart...not because my husband should be strong and not crying...but because I could see and feel his pain. And worse, there isn't anything I can do to take away or ease that pain. Henry should have been in the back seat, giggling or talking or crinkling Mickey's ears (or maybe even fussing!) Henry should be growing (he would have been 10 months old yesterday) and learning new things everyday. He should be watching his dad, wanting to grow up to be like him. (I hope any son we raise will be like Tim...loving, caring, kind, hard-working, sensitive, fun...)

It's been a hard day of missing my boy today.  I never know why one day is harder than another.  I just know that I will always miss Henry...our monster.