This morning I am angry and sad and frustrated. I am angry that none of my clothes fit because I'm never hungry. I eat to eat, but normally I eat because I love to eat, so now even my "skinny" pants are much too big. And I'm angry that I'm too lazy and cheap to get pants that fit. I'm angry that I have to wear my wedding rings on a necklace because they're also too big and I'm afraid I'll lose them if I wear them on my finger. I got angry this morning because I can't dry my hair and brew coffee at the same time without tripping the breaker. I'm angry that my sweet husband gets the brunt of my anger, even though he does everything he can to make me happy, and that as much as I unload on him he never retaliates. I'm angry that the car seat is in my way, and angry that I can't bring myself to take it out of the car. I'm angry that I have to get out of bed on days like this when I really just want to bury myself under the covers. But I don't have any sick days (or any days for that matter). My paycheck this month is $500, which also makes me angry. And that makes me angry that if and when we decide to try to have more children I have to worry about how we'll make it financially. I'm angry that I don't have easy pregnancies, and that even when I do everything I'm supposed to and I have a healthy baby, he still dies. I'm angry that I'm sitting in my car at work because I can't stop crying long enough to get into the building. Most of all, I'm angry because I know that none of these things are the true reason I'm angry, sad and frustrated.
I'm sorry for the venting, and the verbal vomit. But on the plus side, the tears have stopped enough that I think I can get into school. Hopefully the kids arriving and my forced "good mornings" will help turn my mood around, as it often does. Thank you for reading, and for not judging me too harshly for having a little pity party! :)
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