Back to Work...

Tomorrow I finally go back to work.  I'm dreading it terribly.  I'm not dreading it for the reasons many may think...I'm not dreading seeing the kids, or my coworkers.  That, in fact, I'm looking forward to.  I'm not dreading teaching, although I know my mind won't be fully present.  I'm not dreading getting things back in order, though I know that's something I will have to tackle.  What I'm truly dreading is going back to a place that I haven't been since Henry died.  When I walk back into the school building, I'm going back to a place where I used to be a different person.  I'm not that person anymore.  I'm still Henry's mommy, but I won't be dropping Henry off on my way to work, wondering how he's doing throughout the day, and looking forward to picking him up on my way home.

I want so badly to be the person I was the last time I walked into that building.  That last morning I worked, I worried about Henry all morning.  We had left him home with Grandma.  But we worried about him...he wasn't himself at all.  So we made that fateful doctor's appointment.  I emailed my secretary asking about getting the afternoon off...saying if I couldn't it wasn't a big deal...Tim could take Henry to the doctor.  I am so incredibly thankful for my secretary finding me a sub, and for my sub coming in.

I'm not sure how I will handle walking back in those doors.  But I do know that I work with the most supportive people, and I know that they will take care of me!  I know that my husband will check on me throughout the day.  I know that the kiddos are excited to have me back.  I know that my dogs will greet me happily at the door as soon as I get home.  I know that it won't be the same, but I'm hoping that it will be nice to be back (minus the COOOOLD morning duty...!)