Change

I started cleaning Henry's nursery this morning. I've slowly been "putting away" his things as I finally got around to cleaning our house. But putting his things away really meant putting them in the nursery and closing the door. So this morning I thought I'd finally clean up and organize this mess.

I got both diaper bags unpacked and put away, and that's about all I managed before I had to stop. I left the mess and closed the door once again. I'm just not quite ready to tackle the rest yet, and that's ok. I'll get to it slowly, on good days, and on bad days I can leave the door closed and walk on by.

Sometimes I feel as though I'm living on the other side of a door...like my "normal" life is locked away just waiting for me to get it together. Yet I know that my "normal" life will never be the same. And though I could try to keep the door closed, that isn't especially healthy. So I'll do the same thing I'm doing with the nursery. I'll face what I can face each day. I will know that although I can't ignore my feelings, I can deal with them as they come rather than trying to tackle them all at once. And then one day, the nursery will be clean and organized, and I won't feel quite so lost.