November

One year ago, Henry had a busy weekend.  He spent Friday visiting both of his grandparents at work and showing off his monster costume.  Then he stole the show as the ring bearer in his Uncle Will's wedding.  Throughout the weekend, he brought smiles to many faces, and only got cranky as the wedding party rolled on.  And even then, he continued to party for a bit...dancing with Daddy...until he finally let us know he had done enough.  But once we got him in the car, he fell asleep and he was happy!

It's so crazy to look back, and realize that by this point Henry was already in a fight for his life.  When he was diagnosed, the doctors said he probably had only had the leukemia for 2-4 weeks.  So by this time last year, the leukemia was already taking hold.  And we had absolutely no idea.  We thought our sweet boy was fighting a cold, or maybe a virus he had gotten from daycare or that mama brought home from school.  It never entered our minds that it might be something so much bigger.  Even as he started to get really sick, the worst scenario we came up with was pneumonia.

I think this explains why I'm so emotional lately.  This anniversary month will always be a tough one, and especially so this year.  Most of the year, it's the happy memories that float through my mind and my heart.  But this month, I start remembering the sickness, the fear, the sadness.  Yet, even though these sad memories, Henry's love and strength shines through.  He was fighting a disease that was eating away at his insides, and he continued to smile, and bring smiles to others.  And that is what I turn to when the sadness creeps in.

I miss this monster every second of every day, and I am forever grateful that we never took our time with him for granted.  We took Halloween off to show Henry off to the grandparents, both of us took sick days to stay home and snuggle him when he wasn't feeling well.  I left school every day excited to pick Henry up from Carrie's.  We planned outings around Henry's schedule, and enjoyed being together as a family.  I wish we had gotten more time, had been able to make more memories, but I am thankful for the memories we have and the love that continues to fill my heart.