Nightmares

Last night I had a nightmare...involving Henry. Thankfully, I rarely have nightmares like these. In this dream, we were back at Children's with Henry again. Henry had gone through his treatment, but the cancer had returned. The doctors were doing everything they could, but it was not looking good. I felt that same, hopeless feeling I had last year at this time, watching my child fight, and not being able to do anything to make him better.

It makes me think of all the other families we've met, who have been affected by childhood cancer. Some of these families fight every day, fight for their child, fight to make life as normal as possible even amongst all the appointments...hospitalizations...scares. Families whose life can be turned upside down by something as seemingly simple as a cold. Then some of these families are fighting a fight like ours...fighting to go on after a traumatic loss. Some had children who fought for months...years...before the cancer finally took over. Whether a child is fighting, or has earned their wings...either way it leaves a parent feeling helpless...feeling as though they failed their child...unable to protect them from such a nasty disease.

Just looking at pictures like these hurts my heart...whether it's a picture of Henry or any other child. Today my heart goes out to all those parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters. Whether you have a fighter or an angel, it's a tough road. I wish this wasn't something any family had to know.