November

It's now November...the month we've been dreading since we celebrated Henry's birthday in April.  Each month, as it's gotten closer to November, has gotten a little tougher.  We know there are some hard days and hard memories coming up.  But yesterday was a happy memory...it marked three years since Tim got down on one knee (in his apartment, because he knew I wouldn't want anything even remotely public) and asked me to marry him.  Even though my initial response was, "What the heck?!" I of course did say yes, and I haven't regretted that answer once!

This morning I read an article that was posted on a friend of a friend's Facebook wall that talked about the most overlooked characteristic in who you want to marry.  (http://www.familyshare.com/marriage/the-most-overlooked-characteristic-of-who-you-want-to-marry)  This most overlooked characteristic is "can I suffer with this person?"  When I said yes as Tim asked me to be his wife, I can honestly say that I wasn't thinking about the whole in sickness and in health thing.  I knew I loved this man, he had a sparkly ring to put on my finger, and I knew I wanted to spend my life with him.  I knew he was a man that loved me for me, that would always take care of me, and that would make me laugh.  But I didn't specifically consider if he was someone I could suffer with.

However, this quality was made clear to us just a few months later.  We had been married two weeks when we ended up in the hospital, in preterm labor with Brady.  We had been married less than three weeks when we gave birth and had to say goodbye to our firstborn son.  Later that year, after still less than a year of marriage, we saw the cancer take over my mom's body, and held her hand as she gained her wings.  And another year later, we held each other tight as we said goodbye to our second son who had brought nothing but love and joy to our lives.

Thank goodness that I married someone that I could suffer with.  Tim has never turned inside himself, left me to my own grieving, abandoned me to deal with his own grief.  The experiences we have had in less than three years of marriage are more than some couples deal with in a lifetime.  These experiences very easily could have torn us apart...we could have turned away from each other...blamed each other...but instead we came together, and have become an even stronger couple.  Although I would never wish these experiences on anyone, in some ways I have to be thankful...thankful that I have Tim by my side, and thankful that he has been there for me every step of the way.  Even in the depths of his grief, he finds ways to make me smile, and hopefully I do the same for him.  Knowing we can suffer together makes remembering happy memories like these, and looking forward to more happy times even more sweet.