Stress

For all of us, stress is a part of life.  We have stress in doing our jobs every day, paying bills each month, keeping our households running, trying to make enough time for all we need and want to do.  I myself have often found myself stressed.  I get stressed when my to-do list gets to long, my email inbox seems overflowing, I have too many events on my calendar.  I get stressed over silly things...like trying to get my laundry done or making a weekly meal plan.  This normal, everyday stress has never caused big issues in my life.  I've been able to cope...move things to the next week's to do list...ask Tim to help do things around the house...divide large tasks at work into manageable pieces.

Now, however, I am dealing with a completely new type of stress...the stress that comes along with grief.  This stress is there, but yet it is hidden.  And it's manifesting in ways that are not especially healthy for me.  We already know that stress is not helpful when trying to conceive...and my visit to the dentist yesterday revealed that stress is causing issues with my teeth and gums (seeing as that's all that has really changed since my last regular visit earlier this year.)  Stress is also likely the cause of my constant exhaustion despite getting plenty of sleep.  The physical stress response in my body causes me to use up energy that I don't even have.

This new stress, and realization of the effect it is having on me, has caused even more stress.  Now I'm worried about taming and controlling this stress response to grief.  I don't want my teeth to fall out.  I want to get pregnant.  I don't want to feel constantly exhausted.  Being less stressed would help in all of these areas.  Yet I already do so many things...I see a therapist weekly, I take antidepressants daily, I say no to doing things when I feel overwhelmed, I journal and write regularly, I listen to music, I eat relatively well...  I suppose really the only thing I haven't yet tried, and that I know would probably be helpful, is exercise.  I need to find the motivation to get off the couch...walk the dogs...find a gym that isn't scary...try yoga...  It's so hard, despite knowing the benefits, to find the motivation when I am so tired all...the...time.  But maybe this new worry will be the push I need to get started doing something.  It may not cure my stress issues, but any little bit will help at this point!  So feel free to check on me...ask if I've done any physical exercise lately...and hopefully eventually the answer will usually be yes.  :)

(This picture has absolutely nothing to do with this post, but it's cute and I wanted to share it...maybe it will make someone smile and reduce their stress a bit!)