Strength

I'm here at the Monster Mash Run/Walk and one of the main sponsors is Children's Hospital. They even have a Children's ambulance for kids to walk through. It's a beautiful morning, and a fun event, but it also brings back some pretty awful memories...seeing the look on the pediatrician's face when we brought Henry in that Monday...the flurry of activity to help him breathe while waiting for the ambulance...the sinking feeling of dread as they wheel him out of the office...and then seeing him hooked up to IVs and breathing treatments once I met them at the hospital.

It's a day and time of my life I hope never to repeat. After losing Brady, and even while Henry was in the hospital, I would say I can't handle losing another child. Obviously, that was not a true statement. Now what I say is that I HOPE never to experience something like that again. I know I am strong...I know I probably could handle it...but even thinking of those days when Henry was in the hospital puts a knot in my stomach. 

I know that worry and fear is a normal part of parenting, but my worries and fears are a bit different now. I worry about being able to carry a pregnancy to term. I worry that a sniffle or cough isn't just a sniffle or cough. I worry that I may not appreciate the time I'm given with loved ones enough. What I do know, though, is that when those fears come, we have the strongest support system. We have parents who would drop anything to help us, hold our hand, just be there for us. We have doctors that have been through the worst with us and won't assume our fears are just normal parental worry. We have bosses and coworkers who understand that once pregnant we'll be both excited and terrified. We have followers around the world who will send thoughts and prayers at a moment's notice. And, most importantly, we have the two cutest guardian angels looking out for us. With all that support, how could we feel anything but strong?