Heartbreak

Today marks eleven months since we said goodbye to Henry.  It's been eleven months of putting one foot in front of the other...eleven months of putting on a "happy" face...eleven months of finding the good in the darkness of such tragedy.  It's been eleven months of exhaustion...taking all of our energy just to go through the daily motions, leaving little leftover for things beyond plopping on the couch in front of the TV. 

I feel a bit like a Negative Nellie or a Debbie Downer lately, and it's hard not to get down on myself for that.  I have spent most of the past eleven months trying every day to find something positive, to focus on the good things in my life, and I feel like I have been pretty successful overall.  But now, in this time of year, I'm back to using most of my energy to get myself out of bed and to work, and I'm lacking the energy to find that positive.  I know it's the nature of grief, that the waves come and go, but that doesn't mean that I like it.

Thank you for allowing me to share my feelings...the good and the bad.  It helps tremendously to be able to share, and vent, and feel.  I feel like apologizing for the negative tone lately, but then I know that isn't really necessary.  I know that it is my reality, and that's okay (even if I don't like it.)