Traditions

We are getting into a time of year when traditions are important.  Every family has some sort of traditions, and most families have holiday traditions.  These traditions may grow and change as families grow and change, but they are important traditions nonetheless.  As soon as Tim and I got together, we started building our traditions.  Again, these traditions have grown and changed even in the few years we've been together.  Once we found out we were expecting Brady, we started dreaming about the traditions we would build not only for us, but for our kids.  When we lost Brady, we lost some of these dreams.

Then Henry came along, and we started dreaming again.  Henry got to be a part of a few traditions during his short time on earth.  He celebrated his first family holiday at Easter, at the tender age of 6 days old.  He celebrated the 4th of July at some of the Ralston festivities.  And, of course, he dressed up as the cutest monster for Halloween.  Henry the monster visited the Fall Festival at Mommy's school, and made appearances at both Grandma's and Grandpa's workplaces.  Henry got to enjoy a couple of other fall traditions at the apple orchard and at Vala's.

Unfortunately, that's where our traditions with Henry (here on earth, at least) ended.  We spent what would have been Henry's first Thanksgiving holiday at his visitation, funeral, and burial.  Henry's first Christmas was spent in a fog of grief, as was his first New Year's.  And we celebrated Henry's first birthday at the cemetery rather than having a party with his family and friends.  When we found out we were expecting, and especially once Henry was here, these were not the traditions we dreamed about.

Now we are starting to start some new traditions.  We visit the boys at the cemetery and read to them.  We painted pumpkins for the boys' graves.  We recognize their birthdays with fresh flowers and balloons at the cemetery.  These aren't the traditions we dreamed about, but these traditions are now our reality.  More importantly, these are traditions that we will carry on when we have more children.  It will be a way to keep Brady's and Henry's memories alive, and to include them in family and holiday celebrations.

Despite these traditions that we are starting, the holidays and this time of year continue to be difficult.  I feel like we are making the best of the reality in which we are living, but that doesn't make it easy.  I have no idea what the holidays will bring this year, and Halloween is just the beginning of that.  Even as our family (hopefully) grows, this will always be a tough time of year.  Yet I still dream about what other traditions we will build...what traditions we will create to honor our boys in Heaven and celebrate the children we will one day have on earth.