Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover

We all know the old saying...don't judge a book by its cover. And we all know what it means. The cover of a book gives us some information about the book, but it's what is inside that really counts. And, of course, this isn't just talking about books. We all do it...we judge people based on what we see. We judge the lady at Wal Mart in her pajamas. We judge the mom at the grocery store yelling at her kids. We judge our students for not getting their homework done. It's easy to do. But we don't take the time to think about what might be going on inside...we don't ask why.

Grief is a very "inside" process. It's easy to judge the outside...oh, she's smiling...she's living her life...she must be "back to normal" or "okay." I'm lucky...it's rare that I feel judged based on how I'm grieving. Occasionally, though, it does happen. It's usually not intentional, and it often comes from a place of caring, but it hurts nonetheless.

I make deliberate decisions daily...from deciding to get out of bed to deciding to choose one positive thing each day to record in my gratitude journal. Every morning at school, I greet the kiddos coming in for breakfast and walking club. I greet them with a smile and a hello. Some days the smile is forced, some days the smile is genuine. Regardless, I choose each day to put that smile on my face and start my day. I interact with students and staff, probably seeming as though I am okay. This "okayness" is much less of an act than it was when I first returned to work after Henry died. Some days I truly do feel "okay," but there are others where I am still putting on an act...pretending that everything is okay.

I am thankful that I have the energy to smile...whether it's genuine or forced. I am thankful that I can get myself out of bed every day and function appropriately at work and (for the most part) at home. I am thankful that this journey has led me to a more positive mindset and to find the good in each day. My plea, though, as a grieving parent, is this: please don't judge my grief. Please don't expect me to always be happy or for my smile to always be genuine. Beneath my "okay" appearance, I am still hurting. Especially now, as we are moving into the time of year when Henry started getting sick, I am dealing with a lot of feelings and emotions.  I don't take the support we've received for granted. I appreciate each and every one of you who follows our blog, sends us messages or comments on our posts, thinks about us and prays for us. Thank you for the grace you've given us to grieve as we need, and for allowing us to share this journey with you.