Pieces of Cheese

I'm starting to feel a bit restless and aimless lately. I am missing a "piece of cheese." Tim and I refer to events or goals we are working toward as our pieces of cheese. After Henry died we had a few...Henry's birthday, vacation, blood drive, Cure Search Walk... But lately I feel as though I'm missing that drive, that motivation to do things. I am a person that needs to have goals...needs to have something to work for. Otherwise I tend to become (even more) lazy.

When we had Henry, he was my entire piece of cheese.  (Okay...I realize that sounds a little odd.  Bear with me!)  My photography projects revolved around pictures of Henry, my goals were all Henry-related...working on tummy time and rolling over, starting solid foods, keeping up with the baby book (which still isn't actually finished), visiting people and places.  This worked well, except that when Henry died, I was left feeling rather lost.  That's why, regardless of if and when we become pregnant again, I feel like I need at least one piece of cheese just for me.

Often, I use an event as a piece of cheese...a 5K run or a long bike ride. I hesitate to do that now for a couple reasons. First, winter is approaching, and I am a wimp when it comes to cold weather! Plus active events are harder to find during the fall and winter. And, if I were to get pregnant, with my history I avoid too much physical activity. So for now, an active event is not quite what I'm looking for.

Tim and I talked this morning, and I think we came up with a couple ideas. One is to start compiling my blog writings into a possible future book. I have over 100 pages of writing, so this could be a good project! Then I may also look into some photography projects. Something to get my creative juices flowing again. These are both projects for me, which is just what I think I need right now.  I don't need anything huge, just something that will get me going...feeling like I'm still moving forward rather than stuck where I am.