Some Days

Lately, most days are okay.  I can get out of bed (although I still never really want to, but that's more because I'm just not a morning person.)  I get to work and feel like I'm doing a little more than just going through the motions.  I can make plans with friends (though I still get a little cranky if I make too many plans).  I look forward to spending time with my family.  I have the gumption to actually make dinner most nights.  Overall, I'm doing pretty well...most days.

Then there are days like today.  Days when I'd really rather just call in sick to work so I can stay home in my pjs, lounge on the couch, and snuggle my dogs.  Days when Henry's absence is for some reason so much more noticeable, and so much more painful.  Days when the loss seems more like it happened yesterday and not going on a year ago.

I know there will always, for the rest of my life, be days like today.  There will be times when Henry's memory is sharp and painful, rather than sweet and joyful.  There will be times when I want to hide in bed all day and not talk to anyone.  That's the thing with grief...it's a journey that never quite ends.  It gets more bearable, easier even, but never disappears.  I am thankful that most days are getting easier.  I am thankful that most days memories are sweet and not so painful.  I am thankful that I had Henry, and that I got to be with him for seven months to make memories that I can carry with me today and every day.  As much as I hate the pain, I wouldn't for a second trade it for not ever having Henry at all.  And I am beyond thankful for technology for allowing me to have so many visual memories like this one!