So now, we are awaiting the completion of this latest "fetal demise." (And it's so crazy to me that there is nothing that distinguishes stillbirth from a miscarriage in medical lingo. They are both losses, and both tragic in their own way, yet also so different.) I am still doing okay, although I am definitely starting to feel more symptoms...physical and emotional. We have a good plan in place with our doctor, which is also reassuring. Although we would still love for nature to take its course, it is nice to know there is a plan if that is not the case.
To be honest, I would much rather go through childbirth ten times over than a miscarriage. Sure, childbirth is A LOT of work...painful...and the recovery is certainly not instant. But at the end of childbirth, you (usually) have a sweet new baby to snuggle and love. Even at the end of childbirth with Brady, we got some time to snuggle and love him, even if we didn't get to take him home. A miscarriage, on the other hand, is a decent amount of physical pain (for me, anyway), a LARGE amount of emotional pain, and you never get to see, snuggle, or love that "fetus" that is now in demise, which of course leads to more emotional pain.
I apologize, I'm not trying to be dramatic, or trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me. I'm just being real...and right now my reality is a bit painful. I also want to give a voice, a face, to this event called fetal demise...or miscarriage. I don't need to be a poster child, but I want it to be okay to talk about...I want people who go through such a thing to have a voice and to find support as I have. I will never take for granted the love and support that has been shown to us, and I simply hope that some day I can pay that forward so someone else maybe feels just a little less alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment