The dreaded question...

I may have addressed this topic before, but it's been weighing on my mind lately as the start of the school year looms closer. It's that question that bereaved parents dread..."So do you have any children?" It seems like a pretty innocent question, and to most it is. But to a bereaved parent it can be a very uncomfortable one.

After Brady's loss, I often just answered the question with a simple, "No." The few times I answered honestly I was met with an awkward silence, and people not knowing what to say. So it was easier to just say no. But then I'd feel like I wasn't honoring Brady and his short but meaningful presence in my life. It was a constant struggle between wanting to honor him and wanting to avoid awkward conversations.

It's not that I don't understand people's reactions. Back in my "before" days, I would've reacted the same way to such a statement. I would have quickly changed the subject to avoid such an unpleasant and painful subject. I would have projected an uncomfortable and awkward silence myself, not knowing what to say or do. 

Now, however, in my "after" days, I realize that often these parents want to talk about their missing babies. They want to speak their name, and share a memory or two. I have decided that for myself, it is more important to honor my boys. That doesn't mean that this innocent question won't still lead to an awkward silence and quick change of subject. And when it does, that's okay. I'm not offended...I understand. Nor am I offended or hurt if someone asks about my boys. But I want to honor their memory, and so my answer to the "dreaded question" will be, "Yes. I have two boys in Heaven."