Patience

Today is a hard day. Holidays tend to be that way. The missing pieces are more glaringly obvious on a holiday. Plus I've gotten somewhat adjusted to living day to day with pieces missing, but I haven't had as many holidays to be able to adjust. 

I've been in a funk, having a hard time being present, and kind of wanting to just hang out in my room with the lights off. Which, to be honest, is what I'm doing right now. 

I have to be patient with myself, and allow myself to have days like this. I am working so hard to be positive, find the good in every day, be present, and enjoy life. And I'm doing a pretty darn good job, I think. But that doesn't mean that days like this won't come along, where I struggle more and feel worse. That's ok, that's to be expected, and that doesn't mean I'm not still healing, not still making progress. It means I'm still grieving, and that I will continue to grieve for probably the rest of my life. Grieving will evolve and change, and it won't always be quite so freshly painful, but it will be there. However, I know I've made progress, since as I sit here I know that I will probably feel better tomorrow. And I know that hard days will continue to come, and I know that I will continue to make it through. The dark days are a bit less dark, and the light days are much brighter. 

After all, as the saying goes, "Grief never ends...but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith...It is the price of love."