Glass half-empty or half-full?

I used to be a very pessimistic person...always seeing the glass as half-empty. Tim's positive energy has been a little contagious. Since meeting him, I've become slightly more optimistic, though I still tended to see the glass as half-empty. Henry changed that. Since having Henry, I feel like I became more positive and optimistic. That's not to say I'm always happy, or that I don't still worry and get anxious about big and small things. But overall I've become more positive.

Today, though, I've felt like I returned to that glass-half-empty person. I woke up feeling anxious, though I have no idea about what. I've felt some bitterness creeping in. It's not directed at anyone, or a result of anything anyone else said or did. I just sometimes have those moments where I wonder why us? Why do we, who love being parents more than anything else, not have our boys here with us? Why do we, who put Henry first, and always wanted to do things with him, no longer get that time together? Why did we, who did so much to get Henry here in the first place, still lose him? There are no answers to these questions, and even if there were it wouldn't make me feel much better. I want my boys here, and anything short of that isn't enough.

I can't dwell in this bitter-land for long. It's exhausting, and depressing. But once in awhile I do end up visiting, and feeling sorry for myself, angry and bitter. But then my silly fur-babies will do something silly and make me smile or my husband will do something sweet that makes me feel loved. And remembering all the good things in my life helps...it doesn't fix everything, but it does help.