Dreams

The last two nights I've had dreams about babies.  A couple nights ago, I dreamed that we had a baby girl.  She was probably around the age Henry would be right now...nearing one year old.  The only thing in the dream I remember doing with her was feeding her.  She was sitting in her high chair, and I was feeding her.  I don't know what I was feeding her, but probably sweet potatoes, since that's what Henry liked.  As I was feeding her, she grabbed the spoon from my hand and wanted to feed herself.  This is exactly what Henry did one of the few times we tried food with him.  (He started getting sick right around the time we were starting to try foods, so we didn't get very far!)

Then last night, I dreamed that I had a newborn baby boy.  We were in the hospital, I had the baby in the morning, and then later that day I "had" to leave for a vacation.  Being a dream, I have no idea why I had to leave, I just know that I did.  Then we were on a bus (I think it was a cruise excursion) and people were sharing celebrations about themselves as we drove down the road.  I didn't even share that I had just had a baby, but someone else on the bus did.  Then I woke up.

Both dreams were strange, and left me feeling unsettled.  Not necessarily in a bad way.  Part of me feels like it's Henry's way of letting me know he's okay...that I'm allowed to go on with my life.  I miss my monster...and I always will.  But each day, I try to move on a little more...not to forget Henry, but to learn to live without him.