Heartache

Every time I read about another tiny cancer fighter being diagnosed, or gaining angel wings, my heart aches.  Every time I read about someone's mom or dad fighting for my life, my heart aches.  Every time I see a picture of Henry, my heart aches.  Although I work hard to notice the good in my life and in the world, I think I also take more notice of the sad.

It reminds me a bit of the movie Inside Out.  In that movie, we see inside the head and heart of a little girl.  We see how her emotions interact to make her who she is.  (I'll try not to spoil the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it...but if you haven't seen it, you should!)  In the movie, Joy likes to take charge.  And she likes to keep Sadness suppressed, along with Anger and Disgust.  Through the movie, though, we find that all emotions have their purpose, and that we are not fully whole without feeling all of our emotions.

What I take from this movie is this...in order to truly feel happiness, we must also feel sadness.  Had I not known true joy with Henry, I wouldn't be as sad that he is no longer here.  However, I wouldn't want to trade that joy I had felt...even if it meant that I wouldn't feel such sadness.  The joy, sadness, anger...all of the emotions that I have recently felt have made me a more compassionate person...a more positive person...and even a more feeling person.  I am more accepting of all my emotions now - I let the sadness in, because I know that sadness isn't permanent...that I will feel happy again.  And even though I feel heartache looking at this picture, and other pictures of Henry, I also feel joy that I was chosen to be his mama.  I feel joy that I got to, and still get to, love him.