November

For almost a week now, I have managed to avoid acknowledging the fact that it's November.  I've been busy enough at work, and tired enough by the time I get home, that the fact seemed to escape my conscious thought.  But over the last couple days, November has come crashing down on me...hard...

Yesterday I was especially cranky, for no apparent reason. I had a whole day to relax and do what I wanted...all my errands and most of my chores were already done. But I still felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole. The thought of going to work was a little overwhelming, and I couldn't muster motivation to do much of anything. I woke up this morning feeling much the same way. I got to work and sat in my car, talking myself into going into the building. I didn't want to face people, to interact, or really do anything.

But then, seeing this picture on memories brought it all back and it suddenly made sense. We are entering that time of year that will probably always be at least a little hard. This time two years ago was when Henry really went downhill, thus leading to his hospitalization and diagnosis. These were, unknown to us at the time, our last couple days at home with him...our last few days of even seeing him awake...the last few days he looked like Henry. And knowing now what he was already battling is heartbreaking.

We have a lot to look forward to, with Henry's little brother or sister on the way. But that doesn't take his place. Next year we will (God willing) have an infant to take care of and it will still be a hard time of year. I don't know if or when it will get easier, but I know it's not this year. So if Tim or I seem a little quieter than usual, a bit more spacey, or less smiley, know we're trying. I know now that we will make it through the tough times, but that doesn't mean that the times aren't still tough.