Halloween

Halloween is a tough holiday for me.  It's not because it was Henry's only holiday with us...he was with us for Easter, and 4th of July.  Maybe it's because it was his last holiday with us.  Maybe it's because it was the first holiday that it really felt like he was a "participant."  Maybe it's because Halloween is a holiday for kids of all ages.  Maybe it's because the Halloween "holiday" stretched out a few weeks, allowing us to do lots of different activities.  Maybe it's because I see all the family Halloween costumes and posts, and I wonder what Henry would be this Halloween.

Two years ago, I was a little miffed that we had a family event the night of Henry's first Halloween.  I wanted to dress him up and parade him around to our friends and family.  Instead, Tim and I took the day off to dress him up and parade him around.  We took him to see Grandma at work, and then to see Grandpa at work.  He was ooh-ed and aah-ed over, admired, and loved.  Looking back, it's still amazing to me that he was so happy that day, considering he was almost certainly by that point fighting cancer without us knowing yet.

Today, I'm enjoying these memories from two years ago, and looking forward to making more memories with a new little one next year.  That doesn't mean it will be an easy day...but it's another day that I know I will make it through.  I will brave the day at work, with Halloween-crazed kiddos (and zombie-like adults...), and then I will come home, turn off the lights, and snuggle the pups.  Maybe in years ahead I will be ready to hand out candy and participate in the fun, but not this year.  And that's okay!

To all who are enjoying Halloween festivities today or tonight...have fun!  Make memories and enjoy the time with friends and loved ones.  Happy Halloween, from our sweet little monster!