Why?

Why? It can be such a difficult question. There isn't always a clear-cut (or any) answer to "why" like there often is to "who," "what," and "when." As humans, we want to know why. Why do bad things happen? Why is there such sadness in the world? Dwelling on why can drive a person crazy.

As I watch news coverage of the officer shooting here in Omaha, the question of why sits heavy on my heart. Why was this young officer shot and killed? Why was she taken from her husband, stepchildren, and newborn daughter? Why do her parents have to struggle to figure out how to go on without their daughter? Why will that little baby never know her mom?

As I see updates on Facebook of one of our little buddies who received a new kidney yesterday, or another buddy who was born with heart defects, I wonder why these little babies have to fight so hard to survive. Why do their mamas know more medical jargon than some medical professionals? Why do they have to watch their babies in pain, hooked up to tubes and machines? 

And, of course, I wonder why we lost both of our babies. What purpose do these losses, and other losses of children, serve? 

The hard part is that we don't always know why. That can be hard to accept. But the good news is that sometimes, down the road, we can find some purpose or understanding. After losing Brady, I understood how precious pregnancy was and I appreciated my time with Henry even more. That doesn't help in the moment. I don't see purpose in Henry's loss yet, but maybe someday I will. To the family of the officer killed, nothing will make the pain go away. But I hope someday they will find some peace, some meaning, just as I hope I will.