Reflection

I have been doing some reflection lately...on my grief, my journey, and where I'm headed. One thing I've realized is that I tend to keep my feelings pent up. I do this by keeping busy, and not allowing myself time to feel whatever I may need to feel. Keeping busy is not necessarily a bad thing...it gives me things to focus on and keeps me moving forward. However, it is important that I still allow myself time to reflect, remember, and actively work on healing. 

Tonight I took time for myself. I took five minutes and I sat in the sunroom with the TV off, just the sounds of the birds and the breeze, just me, and thought. Tonight I chose to think about my mom. I didn't have an agenda, just thought Mom and went from there. I remembered her funny faces, how she'd reach back for my hand when the family was driving somewhere, how she put sticky notes on serving dishes before holiday dinners. I remembered how it would drive my sister and me crazy when she'd chew on gum or a hard candy. I pictured us sitting in the sunroom at her house, chatting or reading or watching TV. When the five minutes ended I felt refreshed, and even a bit uplifted. 

Sometimes it's scary to face the quiet. I want to get back to a place where I enjoy the quiet. And I'm starting with just five minutes at a time.