Our Christmases over the past few years have been different. The first year we were married was the same year we lost Brady and my mom, and I was put on bedrest just before the holidays. I grudgingly put up a few decorations and reluctantly participated in festivities that were brought to me (since I couldn't leave.) The next year, after losing Henry just before Thanksgiving, I turned Grinch and completely boycotted the holidays. Last year, I participated minimally and selectively, skipping many events and traditions.
Although it's nice to feel a return of the Christmas spirit, I still have a bit of emptiness in my heart. Instead of watching my kids experience the joys of Christmas and open presents, I visited them at the cemetery. Instead of baking cookies with my mom, and asking her advice on holiday decor, I do my best on my own.
But despite these missing pieces, I am grateful for much this holiday season. My heart warms each time I feel Grant kick and move around. I am thankful for our home, which is comfortable enough to host family throughout the holidays. I have a husband who spoils me rotten not just at Christmas but all year long. I have four dogs who want nothing more than to love and be loved (well, and meals and treats on schedule.) I have family and friends who have and continue to let me to do holidays the way I need to at any given time...and who haven't given up on inviting and including me regardless of how many times I say no. And, of course, I have the most precious angels watching over me every day.
This holiday season, I hope everyone reading this has something that warms their heart...something to be grateful for. And if you're missing someone, I hope memories bring comfort more than pain. Merry Christmas and happy holidays!
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