Hulk Smash

It's been said to us so many times in so many ways...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...God doesn't give you more than you can handle...adversity brings out your strengths.  With nearly everything that people say, I fully understand where they are coming from...I know that it comes from a place of caring.  However, I wonder how much stronger I can possibly get.  I feel that at this point, if I become any stronger I'll turn into the Hulk.  And we all know how the Hulk gets when he gets angry.

And I am angry.  There are so many things in my life currently that are not within my control.  And that's difficult for someone who likes to be IN control.  I like to control my emotions, the timing of things in my life.  And lately, I am not in control of these things.  I can go from just fine to tears in seconds, and with no warning.  My temper flares over just about nothing.  My fuse is almost nonexistent. 

Yet, I put on a smile and go about my business because that's what I do.  Outwardly, it looks like I have everything under control.  Outwardly, it looks as though I am strong...as though I am coping appropriately.  All of this, while inside I feel like I'm crumbling.  I want to crawl in a hole...I want to hide in a blanket fort...I want to hide out until everything is settled and I am once more in control.  But being an adult doesn't allow that.  So I'll keep on putting a smile on my face, going about my business and my life, until that day when the smile is genuine and I feel more in control...until I no longer fear that the Hulk within me will make an unexpected appearance.