Keeping Busy

I have, for the most part, been keeping pretty busy this summer so far.  In fact, each day I create a to-do list for myself.  Granted, some of the things on this to-do list are to watch episodes of TV shows on Netflix, or read; but it also includes things like cleaning, laundry, projects, and other such things.  This is how I've been coping with having time on my hands.  Someone asked me recently if it was helpful, making myself this list each day.  The answer is that it is and it isn't helpful.

Giving myself a list gives me some purpose for getting out of bed each day.  I feel accomplished when I can check things off the list.  And it is nice to get things done that have been on my to-do list for months (or more...)  Yet the to-do list also makes me feel a bit trapped.  Even when I do sit down to watch TV, I feel like I should be doing something else.  I wake up feeling like I need to tackle everything all at once, or I won't get anything done.  I never feel truly relaxed.

I can't even remember what summers used to be like...back before I was married, before I had babies (and fur babies.)  I remember watching a lot of TV, although back then binge-watching required waiting for the next DVD to come in the mail.  I remember putting a lot of miles on my bike, reading many many books, and just enjoying the time and freedom that comes with summer.  I don't remember making such extensive lists...giving myself so many tasks to complete.  I miss those carefree days, when my biggest decision was whether to get on my bike or flip on the TV. 

I have lost that sense of innocence...of freedom...of not having cares.  However, I have gained much wisdom, a sense of what true unconditional love is, and what is truly important in life.  As summer goes on, I may find myself relaxing, enjoying the freedom.  And if not, at least my house will be clean, decorated, and my projects will all be checked off!